A Note
by adrynnXadrenaline
Summary: This might be a bit confusing at first: it is written in an obscure way for a reason - it's the POV of a "disturbed" orphan - Ariya - with not past or future.
1. Chapter 1

Since my birth I have been alone... Unwanted... I was orphaned at the age of six months, or so I've been told. My name? Ariya Sen Rin. This is the name I gave myself when I was eight. My adoptive parents had always called me Aki, for Autumn, because they found me on the last day of fall. My real name is unknown. Nothing in my life is a sure thing; my name, my age, my origin...

"Light? Can you translate the following sentence into English?" I remember my teacher asked.

I turned to watch Light. He had never really noticed me, not that anyone ever really did. I remember spending nights in my room staring into a mirror, wondering what was so bad about having medium length, choppy, black hair, pale skin, and gray eyes. I certainly was not fat, being very skinny and lean. But, I suppose I'm not something worth looking at, I'm not that pretty.

Light always got the right answer, he was so smart; I never got called on, and when I did, I could never get the right answer out. Everyone thought I was a stupid mute. I didn't even bother to try anymore. I just think about things: observations, thoughts, beliefs, and generally, just life.

I guess these truths could be truer than those in these school books, and that's why I wonder about these things.

As soon as the bell rang, I began to rush out of the room, Light was in just as big a rush.

"Hey, Light" I said.

Light didn't even look over at me. He rushed over to the common and picked up a notebook. This wasn't the way he had come in this morning. That wasn't his notebook. I was sure of it. Then again, why did it matter?

Since I walk home the same way as Light, I followed behind, but you couldn't say that I was actually following or stalking him or anything because I wasn't actually "following" him. I wanted him to notice me, to talk to me. Why wouldn't he talk to me? No, I didn't like him, but, other people would notice me if he noticed me. I was outcast.

Right now, I'm sure that none of this probably makes sense right now, but I know it will...

I didn't feel like going home, so I continued to walk around even after I had reached my street. I left my bag on the corner and shoved my hands into my black jacket's pockets.

Where would I go? I just wanted to be by myself, just to think. I walked up toward the police station and schools and then looped back towards my house.

When I opened the front door my adoptive mother appeared in the hall.

"Hi honey, how was your day at school?"

"Good..."

"What do you want for dinner?"

"Nothing. I'm not hungry."

"Did you eat lunch today?" She asked frowning.

I gave a slight nod and walked upstairs to my room. It was dark with high shelves, a desk, and a bed. My shelves were piled with books, charms, candles..., and notebooks.

I took my jacket off, laying it down on my bed, and walked over to my mirror. I studied myself, as I often did. I stared at the reflection: tight denim skinny jeans, a green and black striped shirt, and old beat up converse. I pulled a sharpie from my pocket to write another word on my mirror.

"Stupid." I wrote. Other words on my mirror included: "ugly," "lonely," "bad," "disturbed," "mean," "lost," "hated," and "unwanted."

I turned away and flipped on the television. It was a news cast – some man holding teachers and children hostage had just collapsed. A heart attack?

What had the cover...

What was I thinking?

Yet I was still curious.

What had the cover of Light's notebook said? Notebook? Notes?

I thought long and hard, note sure why...

DEATH NOTE

What the hell?

Made no sense...

Unless...

No. I must have been fantasizing again. Damn loneliness. I would constantly make up stories to keep myself entertained.

"Huh..." I mumbled.

I kicked off my shoes and crawled into bed.

When I woke up I stumbled into the shower. I walked back to my room, and pulled on tight black skinny jeans, a black button up shirt, white tie and suspenders, and my beat up converse.

I ate a slice of toast as I walked down the street. I stopped and left a quarter of it for a flock of birds. Up ahead, I saw Light. I eventually caught up to him.

"Hi Light."

He looked over at me, "Hey."

"Er... What's up?"

"Not that much."

"Oh..."

Without trying I walked ahead of Light—it was strange because I walk, no TRUDGE, extremely slowly.

"You... okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, fine."

_Clearly not_, I thought, _you never talk to me_.

Once we got inside, I took my seat next to Light, who seemed very concerned about something.

* * *

Usually I think that the Kanto region of Tokyo is very boring, but recently a new serial killer has begun slaughtering criminals. This killer is trying to make a "new world," where there is no crime, and there are no criminals.

A perfect world...

Everyone has begun calling this murderer "Kira." Right now it's all anyone talks about, but I feel even lonelier than before. I feel insane. I know that this will sound crazy, but... What if Light was Kira? I don't know why this thought even crosses my mind.

Maybe it's because the killings started the day after Light found that notebook? But how would a notebook have anything to do with the killings? Probably because of its name...

I turned on my television, there was some cast from a detective who calls himself L; he was planning to find Kira. Lind L. Tailor, was L. He was going to find Kira and kill him. I threw open my window and climbed down the trellis, walking around my house would take too long. I wasn't sure why, but I was running towards Light's house. From the street I could hear his words vaguely.

"...Lind L. Tailor... when you cross Kira."

Was I right?

Shit.

I'm pretty sure I was.

What should I do? Damn it. I don't care, I have to go to the police, I have to go to L. But how will I find him?

Police station!

I continued running towards the police station. I prayed that the Kira broadcast would still be on.

I arrived... the broadcast was still on. I plugged my phone into the network box. I shocked myself, and then shook my hand.

"Damn!"

I was trying to hack the system, trace the source of the broadcast.

"Hurry up!" I grit my teeth.

"Hey you!" someone shouted.

I looked up from my crouched position nearly behind the station.

"What are you doing?"

"Damn it!" I mumbled.

"Come over here!"

I glanced at my phone.

"Get over here or I shoot!"

Sure, he held a gun, but he didn't cock it. What were my chances of getting past him? Clearing the fence behind me?

He can't see my face no matter what. I unplugged my phone, turned towards the police office, then turned jumping and pulling myself over the fence. I landed on my bare feet on the other side. My feet stung, but I didn't care. I looked at my phone... Lucky me. I had an address...

Was this L's address?

I intend to test this...

First, I had better go home, and get shoes.


	2. Chapter 2

I took a train, a bus, and walked the rest of the way, but I got to the address... It seemed like a vacant house... but I knocked on the door. I heard mumbling—someone talking—inside the house. I continued knocking.

"No one lives there, dear." Some old woman shouted from the street. I knew otherwise. Maybe not L, but someone lived there, or at least was inside. I walked to the back of the house. I knocked on the door. I was being ignored; he wanted me to think the house was vacant.

"Damn it!" I yelled. I kicked the door, which shook. The hinges were loose. This might work. I kicked the door again and again; then, I shoved the door open and walked inside. It was dark, I liked it. I heard talking above me, I searched for a staircase.

"Hello?" I called.

Nothing I still heard faint talking, almost silent. Not many people would be able to hear it.

"Hello?" I shouted.

Silence.

"L?!" I tried.

The talking upstairs ceased. I must have hit a nerve. He knew I knew he was here.

I saw a panel on one of the walls, it looked different than the others; I ran over to it. I grasped the board and yanked it off of the wall – and that's when I found it.

A hidden staircase!

I smiled, and silently crept up the stairs. Whoever was up there was still silent, he knew someone was here and was going to find him. Though, I'm sure that he did not expect that I was on the stairs. When I ripped the board off the wall, I did it quietly. He had no idea.

I reached the top of the stairs and crawled forward. There were more doors. I pressed my ear against each door listening... until...

I got up and shoved a safety pin in the lock. The door swung open.

"L..." I said.

Before me someone sat wearing a white shirt and jeans. He, I assumed, had a mass of black hair.

He did not turn.

Smart.

He may have suspected me of being Kira, so I didn't blame him.

He remained silent.

"L... I am..."

I saw him shift slightly.

"Who... I know..." his voice trailed off.

"You what?" I was confused.

"Never mind." He paused. "Who are you?"

"My name?"

"Yes, your name."

"My name is..." I hesitated, "Aki."

"Is that so?"

I didn't want to answer.

"You can tell me your real name."

My breath caught in my throat. "How did you?!"

"Just tell me."

"It's Ariya."

"Is that your real name or merely what you call yourself?"

"Well, I..."

"Was orphaned as an infant."

"How did you?!"

"I've known you for a long time."

"I...?"

"I am L." he confirmed. "How did you find me... Ariya?"

"I… I…, I hacked the network at the police station to find the source of the Kira broadcast. I came up with this address. Then, this house was abandoned, but I guess I'm breaking and entering. So this is kind of bad."

"Please, I'm more concerned with how the Kira case is going. Breaking and entering to find me? Not so big of a deal. Though, if you don't mind me asking, why did you come here?"

"Well... I've noticed some..." I paused, "Things around the Kanto region that have caught my attention. I think it pertains to the Kira investigation. But I'm not sure how any of it fits..."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well... I..."

"Yes?"

"I think I have an idea of who Kira may be. But I'm no sure if I'm just crazy or if I really do know who Kira is."

L stared at me.

I turned...

And ran.

I'm not sure, but I may have called "I have to go," over my shoulder. Probably not. Damn, I'm such a freak. L positively thought I was insane; and he doesn't even know me personally. Seriously?

I'm

so

messed

up

.....

"Ariya!" L shouted.

Screw this. I'm so not turning back.

I collapsed right outside the door. I think. Everything just went black, and I don't remember. Who found me? Who picked me up?

It didn't take me long to figure out. L. There was no other possible option. People would wonder about a gaping hole in the back of a house where a door should have been; they'd investigate.

Investigate.

That would be none to good for keeping L's identity a secret.

"Ariya?" a concerned voice pulled me from the depths of darkness and nothingness. I heard it through the shadow of my spell.

"You need to wake up!" it shouted.

"I can't." I breathed, the words falling from my lips.

Lies.

"You can, and you have to!"

I think I was being lightly shaken, but felt like a worn out rag doll being tossed about in the wind.

"L..." I exhaled.

"Yes?"

There was genuine concern in this voice. Something I was not used to. I couldn't say anymore.

"What is your name?" he asked.

I felt weak, like I was drowning in this shroud of an empty abyss.

"Tell me your name!" he demanded.

I couldn't.

I couldn't remember.

I couldn't breathe anymore. I felt so sick.

"Who is Kira?"

"Opposite." Great, now I wasn't making any sense.

"My opposite." L repeated. It was not a question. A statement, as if it made perfect sense. "Ariya, please wake up."

My heart was pounding in my head so hard. How could I be alive? I was lost in space, but something kept me here, otherwise I'd never be able to be talking like this, as senseless as I sounded.

L sighed.

I struggled to open my eyes. My chest felt heavy. I've never fainted before. What triggered this?

I forced my eyes to open.

"Ariya?" L asked.

I attempted to sit up. "What happened to me?"

"I'm not sure." L hesitated, "What do you remember about your past?"

"Uh..." I stared at him dumbfounded. "Come again?"

"What do you remember about your past?"

"Well, I... a... boy."

What?

"Tell me what you remember about him."

"He was smart, lonely, and ambitious."

"And do you know his name?"

I thought clearly for a couple of minutes, concentrating hard.

"Lawleit."

L studied my face.

"Do you know how you met this boy, or why?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe school."

"..." L looked straight into my eyes.

"What?"

He shook his head, "Nothing."

Who is Lawleit? Another question that now needed answering on my big list of unknowns. I wonder if I'll actually ever get any answers.

Knowing L?

Probably not.

Why?

Why couldn't he spare a few words to explain something so simple to me?

"L... I have some... questions."

"Mmm... And questions need answering. In the meantime, I'm actually pretty busy with this case. Can you help me with it?"

"But..."

"Yes, yes. We will get to it."

"L, I need to know, right now."

His head snapped up to look at mine.

"And right now, Kira is killing innocent people! Right now people are dying because I'm not doing anything to bring Kira to justice! Questions need answering, but there are more important things in life right now!"

"Kira will be brought to justice though, I know he will! I'll make sure of it."

He sighed and mumbled, "I'm sure that you will."

"Please." I breathed.

He groaned and looked pained, "Later. I promise. Kira needs to be caught."

I looked down.

"Later." He repeated gently.

"What can I do?"

"Try to make sure that you know for sure who Kira is. Follow him around some. Once you're sure that it's him, tell him that you know he's Kira; but don't tell me who it is until I figure out who Kira is on my own. I'll let you know who I think it is, and once you're sure that your Kira is the real thing we'll see what happens next."

"You want to see if we come to the same conclusion?"

"Something like that, but if two of us know who he is and are following him around, we will be able to prosecute him easier."

"So... should I leave?"

"That might be a good idea."

"Well, okay. I guess." I stood up. My hair fell into my face. I turned to walk away.

"Ariya, wait."

"What?"

"Take this."

I turned. L was staring at his computer screen, holding a cell phone so I could see it.

"Why?"

"In case you ever need help. You can call me any time. It's the only number on the phone."

"I'm going to get you on the phone?"

L didn't answer. I turned to walk away again.

"Take the phone."

"Not unless I know I'll get you."

"I told you. You can call me anytime. It's the only number on the phone."

"But is it your number? Am I going to get you if I need help?"

"Yes. Who else would be talking to you? I'm the only one that's going to know that you're working on this case under me. You're the only one that knows who I am, that has actually worked under me. This is important. No one else can know who I am... Right now, anyway. Only you can do this. Only you. No one else."

I hesitantly took the phone and looked at it.

"Thanks."

"Your welcome. Thank you... by the way."

"For what?"

"For finding me."

"Why?"

"I suppose I have enough time to answer one question."

"Then, why?"

"You're the only one that I think will actually be able to help me. I'm presuming many things about this case because there are so many variables. Therefore, I need to consider every possible aspect of what's going on. And I'm just considering the fact that..."

"What?"

"I can't figure out how to say this without sounding very..."

"Just say it."

"You're alone in the world. Orphaned, unwanted. You don't have a name. You have nothing. Kira needs a name. You don't have one. Say I was Kira. How could I kill you just by knowing your name? It was proved in that broadcast. Kira needs a face and a name. You should be safe from his... powers..."

"I have a name."

"Ariya, you believe that the name you gave yourself is your real name? That would be very impossible. You are nameless. That's the plain fact. I told you that this would sound terrible."

"No; you're right. It's true. I am nameless. I should have nothing to worry about. I'll do it. I will follow Kira for you."

I walked out of the house and started down the street. I walked about a mile before I pulled out L's phone. I opened the phone book. True to his word; there was only one number. I called it.

It picked up on the first ring.

"Yes? Hello?"

It was his voice, my breath caught in my throat. "L..."

"Ariya? What happened? You just left. Are you okay?"

"Yes. I am. I'm sorry for bothering you."

"No, I'm sorry you didn't trust me."

The phone clicked as L hung up.

I looked up at the sky, it started to rain. My eyes began to water. Before I knew it, tears were running down my face. I walked past the bus station.

Straight ahead.


	3. Chapter 3

I arrived home hours later.

Soaked.

"Ariya!" my mother shouted when I came home, "Where have you been?"

"Out."

I walked past her and upstairs. I shoved my hair back out of my face. I looked at the phone L gave me. I dropped it onto my bed. I changed my clothes, and brushed my hair. I glanced at the phone again. It sat there on my bed. I ignored the fact that it sat there. I walked over to my door and shut it. My window slid open easily; and I climbed down the trellis, jumping halfway down. I ran down the street.

Light's house.

I had never once been so close to it. I walked up to the front door and knocked. After waiting a minute, the door opened.

"Hi."

"Hello, I'm Ariya. I'm looking for Light. Are you Light's mother?"

The woman studied me for a moment, "Yes, I am. But, Light's not here right now."

"Oh..."

"Do you want me to tell him that you stopped by?"

"Er, I don't know. I guess."

"Well, okay then. I'll let him know. Bye-bye now."

"Bye." I turned away from the house. I heard the door close behind me. I looked back over my shoulder. I could see the mother in the kitchen. The dad must be at work. I walked around to the right side of the house.

_Second law I'm breaking in the same day. Damn._

I contemplated what I was about to do and exhaled exasperated. Well, I felt that I had no choice so I proceeded to look for a handhold on the side of the house. There were no easy ones, but I started to scale the side of the Yagami house anyway. I began to pray that no one would see me.

"Please." I whispered.

I continued to climb up the house, slowly. To the second floor... It was scary as hell, the climb. I held on to what I could tightly; and tried opening the window. It was tightly locked; of course.

_Damn._

I pulled a pin out of my pocket and began to pry around the window, and after a few minutes I was able to slide it open. I lifted myself onto the sill and made sure to be quiet as I set my feet down on the floor. I stepped out of my converse and walked in my socked feet over to Light's desk. I flipped on the light. There was a key hanging out one of the drawers, I hesitated but still opened it.

The drawer contained a diary inside; it was clearly written across the book. I didn't believe it. I took out the book and opened it. I read some of the entries. These were not Light. You couldn't convince me of it. Ever. I realize that people seem different in diaries; but this was unrealistic.

If Light was Kira he had thought things out well. There was a reason that the key was in the drawer; as an obvious sign. This had something to do with the murders. That diary, it wasn't real. It was some sort of cover-up. I got down on my knees and looked at the bottom of the drawer; there was a small hole. Light, I knew, I was convinced, he was smart. He had thought ahead. I took a pen off of his desk and unscrewed the tip, I took the ink cartridge and inserted the tip of it into the hole. I pushed up.

The bottom of the drawer popped up. Inside of it laid the black notebook.

The Death Note.

I was right.

This is insane.

Why couldn't I have been wrong? I lifted the notebook out of the drawer and flipped through it.

Damn. The first name written was that criminal trying to hold those kids and teachers hostage. I flipped through the pages recognizing many of the criminals' names.

Lind L. Tailor.

His name was in here too. I... I couldn't believe it.

Light was Kira.

Damn.

Damn.

Damn.

I pulled out my real cell phone and snapped a few pictures of the pages of the notebook. I had evidence, proof. I turned around.

HOLY SHIT!

There was some ghastly creature in the doorway. I heard the front door open. Mrs. Yagami told Light about me coming to see him. I was described as a strange girl. And Light asked if she meant the disturbed one down the street.

Me.

People thought I was disturbed? I thought the occasional person might think that. But even Light Yagami?

"Who are you?" I asked the creature.

"Who me?" it asked.

"Yes, you."

"I'm Ryuk. I'm a Shinigami."

"Oh. Okay. That makes sense. Is that Death Note yours?"

"Well, now it belongs to Light. But yeah. It was mine."

I heard the stairs creaking. The Shinigami couldn't see my face. I couldn't let it. I put the death note back in the drawer and put everything back the way it was.

Mrs. Yagami called Light back downstairs. I had to get out of the house. I walked over to the window.

"Hey, where ya going?" Ryuk asked me.

"I... I have to leave."

The stairs began creaking. Light was running up the stairs. I didn't have time. I closed the window so it looked exactly the same as it had before I broke in.

"Ryuk; can you pretend I'm not here. I'll... I'll pay you back somehow. Just don't tell Light I'm here. Please? If he finds me fine; but please don't tell him or give him clues. What do you want? Name it and I'll get it."

"Apples."

"You want me to get you apples?"

"Yeah. Something like that."

"What do you want them?"

"Tonight."

"Meet me at the corner down the street, and I will bring you a basket of apples. I promise."

"Well, okay. No promises that Light won't find you though."

"Okay, I've got it."

The closet?

No. Too typical. I didn't have time.

I ducked under his bed and held my breath.

_Why did I leave L's phone at my house? Damn. Just why? Probably the only time that I'll ever need the damn phone, and I don't have it._

"Ryuk, what would you do? This L character is watching my every move."

"You forget. I'm a Shinigami, you're a human. I don't have to worry about L. I'm not the one killing all of the criminals in the world. I kill people to gain more life."

"That is true Ryuk. But, what if someone was watching you?"

"I'd probably lay off. Though, seeing you have a plan, I can't see you doing that."

"You're right." Light scoffed, "I can't stop my plan. That would be very suspicious to have every criminal stop dying. I'm sure that L is suspecting anyone related to the members of the task force. Therefore, if my schedule changed AND everyone stopped dying they would most definitely suspect me and try to prosecute me."

I continued holding my breath then gasped in my head. My converse were still sitting in front of the window. My breath caught in my throat. I had to remain silent no matter what, but if Light was Kira, he was careful enough to notice my shoes.

"Light!" I heard Mrs. Yagami call.

"Yeah?"

"Can you come down here, please?"

"Sure."

The desk chair slid across the floor. I peeked out from under the bed, and saw Light walking down the stairs.

I promptly rolled out from under the bed and grabbed my shoes.

Ryuk was chuckling.

"Ryuk, tonight on the corner? It was our agreement." I paused, "You not going to tell him after I leave, are you?"

"Hmm? Nah. That was entertaining enough."

"Okay; thanks."

I opened the window and found a foothold on the side of the house and closed the window. I climbed down halfway and jumped. I landed quietly on the balls of my feet. I ran home, my eyes wide with horror. I opened my fridge and pulled out all of the apples. I had a lot to give that Shinigami, Ryuk...

Should I call L?

I wasn't in danger anymore, but still.

I picked up the phone and dialed... L didn't pick up.

I called again.

Still

No

Answer.

Damn I screwed up.

Was he busy or just ignoring my calls?

What if I really needed him?

Well, I did more than either of us knew.

I tried calling once more, I was breathless with fear.

It stopped ringing... but I didn't hear anyone speaking.

"L?!" I blurted.

No answer. Tears started rolling down my cheeks.

"L, I needed you." I wiped my eyes. "I really did. Damn it!"

"What happened?"

"I... I think I found out how Kira kills. I er, broke into his house... he came home while I was still there and..." I hung up and fell to my knees.

The phone rang and rang. It was still in my hand, but I didn't answer it. I couldn't. L called back and the phone slipped through my fingers and crashed to the floor. I fell over to the side, lying prone on the floor.

And with that...

I

began

to

sink

into

a

deep

depression.

Damn


	4. Chapter 4

I think I woke up, finally, in class one day.

No, I wasn't sleeping, I mean that I "snapped out of it."

Why?

Light was talking to me.

"Ariya, are you listening?"

"Hmm?" I looked up at him because my head was in my arms. I was groggy.

Light smiled, "I was wondering if you needed help. You can come to my house after school if you like. I've noticed that you've been struggling lately. Is there something on your mind?"

"I'm fine." I snapped at him and stood up. My chair fell over with a bang.

The teacher turned to look at me.

"Ariya, please sit down and pay attention. If I have one more outburst out of you, you will be asked to leave."

Light picked up my chair and I sunk down into it.

"Okay, but you sure you don't want any help?"

_This could help the Kira case._

"Yeah, sure. I am a little behind. That's a good idea. Thanks."

"No problem."

"Meet you after class?"

"Outside? On the common."

"Great. Sounds cool."

I ducked my head and smiled from behind the dark curtain of my hair. My face was in shadows and I knew it. I looked down at my hands covered by my long sleeved shirt. Beneath the sleeves? Blood stains and slashes. I had to make sure that all of this was real. What did people call this kind of thing? I believe people stereotype this as "emo," and "insane." But... this wasn't to feel relief. This was to help the Kira case. Make sure I'm not dreaming. This was important. I had reasons. It was for justice. Oh no, I'm sure people would think I'm crazy, then if I claimed I wasn't it would only prove that I _am_ insane. I know I'm mentally disturbed. How is this new? This is perfect. All of this is real. All of this really is happening. I can't deny it or question it. I was going to be able to help prove that Light Yagami was, in fact, Kira.

What would Chief Yagami think if he knew about Light?

Questions, questions, questions.

??

I need some answers as well, but right now I'm in no position to ask L. I haven't had contact with him in months. He hasn't tried to contact me either. Maybe he has; but I never put the battery back in the phone. I haven't turned it on. I'm afraid to.

I got up and walked out of the classroom. The teacher didn't care whether class had ended or not. Neither did I. Everyone was used to this. And I no longer got in trouble for it. I'm excused for it because of my depression among other issues.

I dragged my feet as I trudged down the hall. No lie, I was nervous about going to Light's. Why did he ask me today? Kira must have something planned.

I sat out on the common writing, and waiting...

Light came outside a little while later.

"You ready?" he asked.

I nodded and got up.

"Why?" I questioned as we walked down the street.

"Why, what, Ariya?"

"Why are you talking to me? Helping me?"

"I just thought you could use the help."

This was truly odd.

We reached Light's house. I followed him inside Mrs. Yagami looked at me, confused. After all, I was "strange." As I recall, she agreed with Light that I was disturbed. So, what would I be doing with Light? My clothes were overall normal today, so I didn't look creepy. Other kids wore light skinny jeans, converse, white button up (dress) shirts with checkered suspenders, and red ties. It's not like I was some freak, which is why I don't understand her judgment.

"Hello," I said politely.

"Hi, how are you?" she responded automatically not half listening.

"Well, ma'am, and yourself?"

"Good, good. Thank you." She mumbled.

I smiled and Light told me, "My room is this way. Let's go."

I followed.

"You can put your things on my bed, if you like."

"Okay," So I paced my beat up messenger bag on his bed.

"What are you having trouble with?"

I pulled out my homework and essays and handed them to Light. He flipped through them looking mortified.

All of my homework and essay scores were poor, failing even. The only reason I wasn't kicked out of these classes and, or school, was my test scores. They were always absolutely perfect.

My teachers didn't understand, they never would.

"Do you even pay attention in class?" Light inquired.

"Sure, sure." I answered.

"Then how...?"

"Homework is a waste of time. Writing essays will get me nowhere in life."

"What about when you apply for a job?"

"I won't get a job."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't have to worry about my future. I don't have one."

"You don't have a future?"

"I'll be long gone."

"Gone where?"

"Dead."

Light stared at me, "you'll be dead? You know this?"

"Yes."

"Er, how?"

"I just do. Maybe Kira will kill me. Or a Shinigami."

"Kira only kills criminals, and Shinigami? Those are totally fictitious. They don't exist. No one believes that they do."

"I bet _you_ do, Light."

"No I don't."

"Someone like you must."

"Most definitely not."

"I have a feeling that you do." I continued debating. I watched the expression on his face darken slightly."

"I have no clue why you'd say something like that."

"It was just a guess."

"Well, I don't." Light growled. "Do you want a copy of today's notes?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Thanks."

"No problem. I copied them for you. It's what you missed after you left."

He pulled a folder out of his bag and shuffled them around looking for the notes. He found them, then handed them to me. I got up and turned.

"I should go."

"But I haven't gone over anything with you."

"That's alright. I'm fine. I was fine before."

"See you, then."

Light didn't care; which brings me back to the question: what did he want? What was his plan?

Should I tell him that I know? Or was it too soon? God knows... Or maybe a Shinigami...

I paused in his doorway, "by the way, Light... I know."

"Know? Know what?"

"Your secret."

"Haha, everyone has secrets."

"But I know the most interesting one."

"What is it then?"

"I'll tell you later."

With that I walked down the stair. As I walked, I could hear Light talking to himself; saying things like "what secret?," "what could she know?," "what's her issues?," and, "what just happened?"

I wanted to grin; _I have him concerned_ I thought. Maybe he'll start behaving erratically. Wouldn't that be great? I'd have solid evidence then; but I don't want him to be arrested without my telling him first; that would be unfortunate and quite disappointing considering my hard work.

When I arrived home I put the battery back in L's phone. I had a large sum of missed calls. Was L worried? What did I really care? I crawled into bed and fell asleep within moments...

I awoke around midnight to a vibrating sensation near my head. It was L's phone... Should I answer it? Why not.

I flipped the phone open, "Hello?

"Ariya!" L sighed with relief.

"What?"

"I haven't been able to contact you for weeks."

"So?"

"Well, I ... er... I wanted to talk about the Kira case."

"You sound..." I hesitated. This was new. "You sound worried."

"Did I?"

"Yeah." I shifted in bed, stretching. I didn't usually get phone calls in the middle of the night when I was sleeping. Hell, I never got any phone calls period. "Why exactly are you calling me?"

"I already told you..."

"...Right... So what about it?"

"I have a lead... and I'm planning to do something about it soon."

"I'm listening."

"We are going to have to meet up again soon to discuss things."

"Uh-huh..."

"Not interested anymore?"

"Not after everything you've put me through, on top of the fact that you never even gave me one answer."

"T."

"What?"

"You wanted an answer."

"That's not an answer."

"It's part of an answer."

"Then what are you answering?"

"You're name."

"Wait, what?! My name? Why can't you just tell me?!"

"I don't think you could handle it all just yet. You're unstable. And, if you know your name..."

"I have to know."

"In good time. You'll get it letter by letter. We need to keep this unknown. You are an important variable in this case."

"I'm not a variable. What are you talking about?"

"You are. You're name is still unknown. Kira can't kill you."

"I want my name, damn it! And stop calling me a frigging variable!"

"Fine. As you wish. But we do need to meet again."

"When?" I yawned.

"Friday. After you go to school or whatever you do during the day."

"Okay. Fine."

"So you are coming?"

"Maybe."

"I need to—"

"So did I."

I flipped the phone shut and turned it to silent.

"T" Huh? I will get my name. I had better.

I woke up in the morning and went through my usual routine – I brushed my hair and teeth, ate some toast, and put on some eyeliner. I stood in front of my closet, staring at my clothes for a while.

What the hell did it matter what I wore? I found myself wondering.

Who do I want to impress? L? Light?

Ha, it was pointless. I was an ugly disturbed bitch in the eyes of Light. And L? I was a damn variable. I don't care what either of them thinks.

I pulled out some dark blue skinny jeans and an orange t-shirt. I put a black blazer on over my shirt. My eyes were done up dark as usual. I felt like shit. Damn. I skipped down the stairs and out the door. I made my way down the street somewhat faster than usual. Up ahead, Light stood staring off into space.

I shrunk back. I wanted to turn and run.

He started to walk down the street. I sighed. He didn't see me. Maybe he wouldn't notice. I prayed to go that he wouldn't turn and see me. We approached the cross walk.

"Don't turn... don't turn..." I begged the light. It was green. If we kept walking it wouldn't matter, he'd never turn. But if the light turned red, we'd have to wait to cross, by which time I would have caught up and he might just look around waiting. He would probably notice.

Damn.

Apparently, the crosswalk light doesn't like me. It turned red. Light was the only one standing; waiting to cross...

He turned.

He saw me.

God damn it!!

Why? Why does life hate me?

"Ariya!" Light saw me even though I tried to duck behind a building, car, anything!

I waved sheepishly, cursing to myself.

Light waited for me to catch up. Seriously? Waiting. How pathetic. I loathed him.

"Hey," he said.

"Why are you talking to me?" I responded automatically.

"Excuse me?"

"You've never talked to me before yesterday... and now, you're... like, fixated on me."

"I still don't understand."

"You only want to talk to me because I know."

"Know what, damn it!?"

"My point."

He changed his face. It became calm, charming. Kira had good control over his emotions. He grabbed my shoulder, and turned me gently, one hand on each of my shoulders.

"Ariya, I'm confused. What do you know? You can tell me anything."

The corners of my mouth twitched. Sure, I'd tell him. I leaned in and whispered in his ear, almost seductively. "Okay, I'll tell you."

His breath caught in his throat.

"I know... that you are Kira."

His grip on my shoulders tightened painfully, but he loosened his grip again after hardly a moment.

"That's ridiculous, Ariya. What are you talking about?"

"You heard me."

"Are you kidding?" Light laughed.

"No."

Light sped away from me, mumbling, "Who does she think she is? L?"

I smiled wide and skipped to the train station.

One train, bus ride, and long walk later I was at L's "house." I jogged around to the back of the house and rapped on the door.

I listened as the floor creaked slightly as L walked to the stairs; he came down the stairs slowly. My cell – his cell – rang. I flipped it open, and L opened the door.

"Wanted to make sure that is was you."

I looked down.

"Come in." L said. I abided.

I ducked my head as I walked through the door, my hair fell into my face.

Should I have come?

What was one more missed day of school going to do?

"I've scrutinized all aspects of this case. I have also gone through a massive list of suspects and narrowed it down. My main suspect is..."

"Light Yagami," I said.

L's eyes twitched up to my face, well, my lips. My hair covered everything else. He watched my lips as I spoke.

"Why? What evidence are you going on?"

"It doesn't matter. I just know. I'd be thoroughly shocked if he wasn't your suspect."

L watched me carefully.

I felt uncomfortable and shoved my hands into my pockets.

"Where, exactly, do you live?"

I met his gaze through my hair, "around."

"Do you... know Light Yagami?"

"As a matter of fact, I do."

"As a friend? Relationship? As...? You know him and you aren't scared."

"No. I'm not scared. And he's..." I found a great interest in my shoes. What could I say? The man's a bastard? Oh yeah, that is going to explain how I know he's Kira. L just wants to know why _I_ know.

"What's going to happen to Light?" I inquired.

"He will be brought to justice, of course."

"The death penalty?"

"Likely."

"What about... You know what? Never mind..."

"Why does all of this concern you so much?"

"Er, it doesn't. Forget it."

"Is there something you need to tell me?"

"No. I was just wondering."

"We need to figure out how we are going to confront Light..." L mumbled.

"I'm going to college..." I offered. "I don't want to. But I am."

"College?" L repeated dazed.

"Yeah. Light and I are going to the same university, so, yeah."

"College." He said.

"Yeah, college! Now what's the big deal with it, damn it?!"

"You'll see... Are there entrance exams?"

"Sure; of course!"

"Hmm... This is has a ninety-five percent chance of.... Yes, well. Hmm... Maybe eighty-nine, roughly..." L crouched with his chest leaning on his knees, chewing his thumb. "T—Ariya... Er, you need to go. I have much to think about. Thank you for your help!"

L basically shoved me right out the door.

I skipped school for this?

_Geez, L_, I thought. _What the hell? Damn it._

I stumbled toward the sidewalk.

What to do, what to do?

I have not been in this area for a long time, so I figured that I could go and walk around town. Get something to eat, maybe? Not likely.

I was admiring the sidewalk as I dragged my feet begrudgingly, wondering why I was out. The public saw me as a freak. I knew it, and I knew that I didn't belong here. I considered asking for money when people stared at me; I could be rich.

"Hey!!" Someone exclaimed.

I landed on my butt on the ground.

I must've growled...

"Watch it!" The person I ran into shouted.

There was blood on the sidewalk, my palms had split.

"Ick." I said wiping my hands on my jeans.

"Wait; I know you!" the voice squealed.

I looked up. I gazed upon a cute brunette. Her dark auburn hair was piled on top of her head in a clip, her banana curls cascaded down her back in elaborate ringlets. She wore a black, sleeveless turtleneck, with an off-the-shoulder white button up leather-like jacket, black skinny jeans, and (almost) knee high black converse. I did NOT recognize this girl until I studied her eyes. They were striking, clear, extremely light brown eyes; I am not entirely sure how to stress that by light brown eyes, I mean to the point where they had a reddish hue in them – causing them to give off the appearance of a mysterious purple.

"H-Hira?!?" I asked.

"Ariya, long time no see." She reached down to help me up. "How ya doing?"

"Oh, um..." I looked down.

"You okay?"

I haven't seen Hira in forever. She was what I would have considered my best friend years ago, before I became so deranged, I saw her a couple of times after we stopped talking, but I didn't think that she wanted anything to do with me.... So seeing her was quite shocking.

"Yeah. Fine. You?"

"I'm pretty good; I'm out of classes for the day."

I couldn't tell if she was skipping classes like me or she was serious. With Hira you never knew. I remember cutting class together a couple of times, but she was always more serious of a student than I was.

"So you want to do something together?"

"Well I was actually—" Why turn her down? I came all the way here; I might as well do something. "I'd like that."


	5. Chapter 5

_****NOTE** THIS IS NOT A COMPLETED CHAPTER!!**_

We walked around the block talking. Basically, Hira did the talking, but either way...

She rambled on about school and the years gone by. I did my best to try to focus and keep up with her, but my thoughts kept drifting back to my life in L.A. a couple years back. My adoptive "father" has moved back and forth between L.A. and Japan a number of times over my life span; and I would be shipped back and forth between him and my mother. I finally decided that I was going to stay here in Japan about 2 years ago.

What was so important about L.A. that I was thinking about it this moment?

L. That was why.

He reminded me of someone. A very specific someone. A friend.

B.

That's what I called him.

B. His name?

I'm not entirely sure.

B – Beyond Birthday. That was his name.

Beyond Birthday, the reason that all of this Shinigami shit seemed completely normal to me.

L reminds me of B.

L reminds me of Beyond Birthday.

Beyond Birthday; a murderer.

A murderer with Shinigami eyes.

Shinigami eyes, eyes that could see the full name and life span of his victims.

His victims.... That would have included me. He told me so. He told me that night.....

Our last conversation....

He told me that my blood called to him and that he wanted it. As he said this, he ate strawberry jam from a jar with a spoon. Strawberry jam that I never believed was truly strawberry jam. It looked too much like blood. I always thought he might be a cannibal.

That strawberry jam that was blood.... I knew it because he said he yearned to taste the sweet candy flavor of my flesh and blood.

What was the most startling thing he told me?

He told me that he couldn't see my name... or my lifespan clearly. He told me that the name would always change; and that my lifespan would increase and decrease every time he looked.

"I only kill people on the day in which they are supposed to die." He said.

I responded the only way I thought possible; from what he told me about Shinigami: "Then that is the reason that they are going to die that day. If they have a set date to die; it's because _you_ were going to kill them. If fate decided that date, then fate had decided that _you_ were going to kill them that day."

"Then you are not a victim. You are nothing more or less then a friend; are you?" he crawled around me; I could see the bloodlust in his eyes. The longing in his breath; he trembled with delight. "I can't touch you... Can I?"

"I would suppose that it is up to you. Kill me if you want. Go ahead."

"I can't." he purred.

I studied the face of my would-be cold blooded murderer. He had dark eyes ringed with black bags, the eyes of a chronic insomniac. He had a mass of messy black hair, and wore a long-sleeved white t-shirt and baggy blue jeans.

He crouched, with his knees drawn to his chest. A peculiar way, I thought.

I sat there in silence, he watched me from the corner of the alley.

"You're beautiful." Beyond Birthday whispered to me.

"I am?" I stared blankly into nothingness.

"Yes. Very striking." He paused, "I really wish you were one of mine. I could have some fun."

"Then why not?"

"I've already told you." He licked his lip, "It's not your fate."

"And I've told you that you are a cold-blooded murderer. The fate decided that _you_ were the reason those people would die."

"I just want a little fun in my life."

"You're a killer, a criminal. This is not innocent fun."

He frowned, "Don't be like that." He pulled a small vile out of his pocket – and a knife.

I narrowed my eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Here, love, drink this." Beyond Birthday tossed me the vile. He licked his knife.

"Why?" I began to panic in my head. How did I end up in this mess? I though – _this is probably one of the reasons I'm so disturbed_.

"I like you a lot, love." He smiled, "Your ever-changing lifespan had shown today, at this very moment, a couple of times. And right now it has paused on it... Should that be reality?"

"No. It shouldn't." I glanced at the street. Dman L.A. a city of crime. No one would see or care.

"Drink it, it will hurt less." He grinned slightly.

"I won't."

"Come on." His expression went blank.

_This can't be happening. I must be dreaming._

I bit my lip. B is – was – my friend. We've known each other for months. Why now? Why today?

"L."

It was almost as if he had read my thoughts.

"Who?" I was shaking now. I was desperate. I was scared.

I felt a sudden stabbing pain.

It

felt

good

I sighed with relief.

"A detective." B mumbled near my ear.

I could feel the tearing and ripping of flesh on my lower back. I felt relief, the pain felt amazing. I nearly moaned in pleasure. Warm blood dripped – no flowed – from the gashes, wounds, on my back.

"Is... Is he looking for you?"

"Yes." B replied.

I felt a different sensation on my lower back, now. I craned my neck to see. B looked up at me. His shirt was now speckled with blood. His lips were wet with a red liquid.

It dawned on me.

That was my blood.

I did not feel uneasy. I felt a release. A way out.

Walking with Hira, I reached to my touch my lower back. I could feel the scar that B had carved into my flesh through my shirt.

"What are you doing?" Hira inquired.

I snapped out of my trance. My memory, one of my few.

"Hmm? Oh, I was... thinking."

"Want to share?"

"It's of no consequence right now."

L.

Was my L Beyond Birthday's pursuer?

Was this my Beyond Birthday's justice? L? Was he?

Or were they one and the same?

They look the same and... could they be?

No.

"Are you even listening?" Hira demanded.

"Yeah..."

"I don't think so." She paused. "Do you even want to be here? With me?"

"Of course! I've missed you! I haven't seen you in forever!"

"But you don't really seem interested..."

"I am, really."


End file.
